Interview with the Housewives: Epilogue

Writing this post does not only signal the end of a series of a mini project but the end of a short era for me.  I dived into my fact-finding mission trying to find myself in light of being a housewife.  I was in denial and I thought talking to my fabulous housewife friends would help me embrace my situation a bit more.  I sought out answers, and I got beautiful ones.  I was lost… I had to be… I had to find peace with that… And found myself a bit more grown up (and I would like to think I have “aged” beautifully).

I journeyed through this era with 6 beautiful ladies who opened up a whole new world for me:

Diplomatic Wife: 

As unbelievable as it may seem, there are other aspects to one’s life and passions aside from work. 

Academic Wife: 

Do not be afraid to get lost.

Farmer Wife: 

You don’t need to be a domestic diva for husband to love you – and yes, you can ask him to help out at home as well.

The Real Housewife of New York: 

Financially depending on one’s husband in the greater scheme of things is really about the big act of surrendering.

The Real Housewife of Orange County: 

Being thankful for where you are – wherever that is.

Career Wife: 

“You have to nurture ‘you’ so you can be the best for them.”

Even if that means, at least for now, taking a break from being a full-time housewife and doing the great balancing act of being an awesome wife with a successful career.

Interview with the Housewives # 6: The Career Wife

As all good things must come to an end, so does the Interview with the Housewives series.  So let me bring you the last story about this noble profession of the so-called-life of a housewife. I think it is the best way to end my research – at least, for now or before I find another interesting topic.  Why – you’ll find out later.  But for now, without further ado, let me bring you, The Career Wife. 

Who wouldn't want to be a housewife with that beautiful brood!

I first heard of The Career Wife when hubby and I were still dating.  I vividly remember him asking me what I thought about having kids and how many (although hubby doesn’t remember asking this! haha!).  He was telling me about his cousin and his wife who are like a power couple in the corporate arena and despite of their high-powered careers are unfazed with the thought of having kids.  At that time, they had 2 boys with a baby girl on the way.  I was shocked and awed!  That was quite a handful to say the least!  And the strong career woman (her last full-time stint was as Regional Brand Director of Unilever) who was the other half of hubby’s cousin is Career Wife. 

Livin’ La Vida Lanka (LLVL):  What finally made you decide to become a housewife?

The Career Wife (TCW):  I've always contemplated shifting gears ever since we had our first baby, but I think, in hindsight I still had some things I had to achieve for myself. While I always yearned to stay home with the kids (2 at the time), I couldn't find myself taking the actual step yet. I still enjoyed the challenge and thrill in working for a high-powered corporation. But when I became pregnant with our 3rd baby, I just knew it was the right time.

LLVL:  You say you are the “housewife with part-time work” – how does that look like?

TCW: I am a Market Research consultant for a multinational in the Philippines and I also run a company with my sister. I started both roughly around the same time 3-4 months after giving birth to J.

Editor’s Note:  This is what I call you really can’t take the corporate out of the girl.    Haha!  Who says shifting gears means from 5 to 1???  Huh??? There are 3 other gears you can shift to!  Way to go TCW!  I am still shocked and awed!  It’s really amazing how you do that.

LLVL: How was the transition like for you shifting from your prior occupation to being a housewife?

TCW:  It was heaven at first. I had all the time take care of our newborn and 2 other boys. I relished every morning that I woke up without having to mentally prepare myself for the meetings I had to attend and presentations I had to make. But after a while, I started to feel like my intellectual growth was starting to slide. Having been used to constant pressure to 'up my game' for the past 10 years, the joys (and pains) of domesticity seemed not to be enough. I started to feel restless.

Editor’s Note:  I totally know what you mean TCW!  But I’m afraid in my case it was the other way around… noo ni noo ni noo… TV marathon anyone???  This is what I was afraid of! Haha!  Being a full-time housewife with all its hedonistic pleasures can be quite addicting without you noticing it...  But yeah, the level of intellectual stimulation is quite different. 

LLVL:  What made the transition easy?

TCW: It was easy because of all the upsides - time with the kids, time to run the household properly, literally enjoying the day (in contrast to working where I can only enjoy the 'nights' after work). I had time to shop, go to the gym, meet up for 'lunches' with friends!

LLVL:  What made it Difficult?

TCW:  Wasn't really difficult up until the time that I started to get restless. I needed to be mentally productive. While I greatly admire her and those like her, I am not a Martha Stewart who can spend endless hours doing creative and crafty wonders for the home. And while I love my kids dearly, I must be honest - talking to toddlers 24/7 can drive me crazy. I end up nagging my husband when he gets home in my need for adult conversation.

Editor’s Note: For me, in the absence of kids, talking to myself was driving me crazy! And I do end up nagging my husband (with much restraint on my part!) even BEFORE he gets home! Hihihihi!

LLVL:  So what do you enjoy best with being a housewife (with part-time work)?

TCW:  Having the flexibility and time to attend to the needs of my family while still being gainfully 'employed'. For me, this arrangement works best.

LLVL: What are the challenges?

TCW: Ensuring that my choices are always consistent with my priorities. It is still a constant balancing act… I still have to juggle meetings, date time with kids, pedia visits, dates with my hubby, going to the gym, and running the household.

LLVL:  What things you do that help you enjoy being a housewife (with part-time work)?

TCW:  My part-time work! It's the 'me' part in the whole arrangement. Being a wife and mom takes a lot from you because you always act on what's best for your family before yourself. And it can be so easy to lose yourself. Having part-time work is something that's mine, something that still allows me to grow as an individual. Plus, I still get to financially contribute to our 'nest egg' and have some extra for myself =)

Editor’s Note: Our housewives are onto something here which was just reiterated by TCW… in whatever you do, you must not lose yourself in the process.  And I can imagine how you can lose yourself with hubby, kids and everything else in between!  In TCW’s case, it was career. For other housewives it may be something else altogether but the trick is finding it and nurturing it – no matter what. 

LLVL: Any other tips to enjoy being a housewife?

TCW:  Look for something that you enjoy and are passionate about. It can't be all about being a 'housewife'. While it is something you should strive to be the best at, being a housewife is just one of the many roles you will play in your life. Really discern for yourself if it is the primary role you want to play in the long-term.

I thank God everyday for leading me to the place where I am now. I could not have asked for a better deal =)

LLVL: Any other words of wisdom?

TCW:

-       Relish this special time with your hubby when it is still just the two of you. Cement your identity as husband and wife now, as it will go a long way once you face the challenges of marriage and parenthood.

-       Don't let labels define who you are. HR Manager, Housewife… those are roles you have, not the person you are.

-       Always keep something for yourself and yourself alone. Being in a marriage, and eventually, being a mom will make it so easy to just make everything about your hubby, kids, home. You have to nurture 'you' so you can be the best for them.

I have always believed that God gives us what we need – and after talking to six beautiful wives, I couldn’t have started the journey of married life in a new country in the best possible way had it not been for my housewife experience.  In as much as there was an initial struggle to the whole concept and it’s meaning to my being, being a housewife is a gift – for the time, cognitive and psychological resource to acclimatize to a new land, to focus on – as TCW said – cementing identity our as husband and wife and most importantly to focus on nurturing “me” for me.

Interview with the Housewives # 5: The Real Housewife of Orange County

The first time I got to know this lady during the Rihanna / Chris Brown concert in Manila sometime in November 2008.  My hubby and I were still dating then (oh how time flies!).  She is married to my hubby’s kabarkada.   After that concert, we would always go out.  Eat, drink, sing and be merry – just like what any normal barkada would do.  She was fun to be with (full of energy!), I like her authenticity and amazed at how her whole demeanor would change when she was with her lovely daughter.  Too bad she and her hubby moved to the US.  Like Academic Wife, The Real Housewife of Orange County (TRHOC) joined her hubby in pursuit of his academic dreams.  Which lead her to this so-called-life of being a housewife almost a year and a half now.  Prior to leaving Manila, TRHOC was a trainer/training consultant (for 3 years) and pre-school teacher (for 3 years too).  Here is her (our) story: 

The real housewife of Orange County with daughter H

LLVL: Why / How did you become a housewife?

TRHOC: I became a housewife primarily because my hubby is getting his MBA here in the US and (darned) visa restrictions prevent me from getting a job in this country (not that I haven't been looking, it's just a bit uphill because of the restriction). Also, we can't really get a nanny here so I need to take care of H since she isn't in school full-time just yet.

Editor’s Note:  Note one, H is TRHOC’s (almost) 4 year old lovely daughter.  Note two, why are those visa restrictions so limiting?  I am beginning to think it is one big mess of discrimination for spouses (usually women!) who tag along with their other half who gets the working / student visa!

LLVL:  Do you have any other occupation aside from being a housewife?

TRHOC: My hubby's executive PA. Does that count? Haha. I'm about to become a blogger soon ;)

Editor’s Note:  Lucky hubbies!  They get gorgeous and intelligent PA’s!  Right TRHOC?  Also, thank God for blogging.  Really.  I think it has given me sanity in this housewifedom.  It is my creative outlet and my connection to the rest of the world outside our humble abode!  So kudos to you TRHOC!  Blog, blog, blog!

LLVL:  How was the transition like for you shifting from your prior occupation to being a housewife?

TRHOC:  It was exciting and difficult at the same time. Exciting because we moved to a different country, so there's a lot of discovery and adventure that goes with the new role but it was difficult at times because the transition was compounded by homesickness :'( Thank heavens for TFC! Hehe.

Editor’s Note:  How I wish there was TFC here! I miss The Buzz…

LLVL:  What made it easy? Difficult?

TRHOC:  A really supportive hubby and family have made it easy. Being in a new and different place definitely has its plus points because there's so much to do and explore here. Plus, I love how Orange County and I guess the lifestyle here in general really caters to housewives, especially housewives with young children. There are plenty of resources to get help from and places to visit and things to do. Mostly, the difficulty would creep in via homesickness, as I mentioned earlier. Sometimes, no matter how great it gets here, there really is no place like home (or your home country).

LLVL:  What do you like best in being a housewife?

TRHOC: Having the TV on while I work, and by work I mean chores and whatnot ;) Haha, kidding! I'm not sure really. Being on my own schedule I suppose. I can dictate when and how to do things. I suppose you could say I like being my own boss ;)

LLVL: What are the challenges?

TRHOC: Missing the office dynamics, working with different people (or at least, working with people my age on a daily basis), pretty office clothes and shoes! Haha. H can be a challenge sometimes when she's sick or cranky.

LLVL: What things you do that help you enjoy being a housewife?

TRHOC: I always make sure to schedule some kind of alone time. Even if it's just at the end of the day when H is asleep and hubby is working on school stuff. I usually read a book or work on my laptop. My favorite kinds of alone time are going out for a run or running errands alone. Alone time keeps me sane ;)

LLVL: Any other tips to enjoy being a housewife?

TRHOC: Enjoy your time as a housewife right now, especially since it's just you and hubby (for now). Having a kid changes everything! In a good way of course. ;) But once the kids come, it isn't going to be like this until they're off to school and have their own lives. Also, as with anything in life, time management is key!

LLVL: Do you have plans of shifting back to a "working" life?

TRHOC: For sure!!! As soon as hubby has his MBA and is working steadily, it'll be my turn to work or study! So perhaps in a couple of years or so, give or take a few months, I can be a working mom again :)

LLVL: Any other words of wisdom?

TRHOC: Always be thankful, no matter where you are in life. Remembering that keeps me sane. Knowing and trusting that things are happening as they should keeps me focused and grounded. When difficult stuff arrives, see them as challenges. Oh and staying organized is a big help too! ;)

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, yes, let’s be thankful for where we are in life.  What I noticed from my own journey is, in as much as there are days in the dumps, figuring out why I am here, missing my old life, getting frustrated from being in a different environment at the end of the day, I am very, very thankful and I have a lot to be thankful for.  First, my hubby.  He is the best thing that ever happened to me.  I am lucky we have re-discovered each other at the time we did (we first met in grade school theater when I was 10 and he was 12 – seriously!).  Second, that we are starting our marriage this way.  Just us.  Family is great, but admittedly it could complicate a marriage (!).  Third, we are in such a beautiful and exotic country waiting to be discovered!  Fourth, we do get some expat perks (not much but enough)!  Fifth, I am in a space where I can re-define myself.  It is refreshing to step out of your old life and have the time and freedom to learn new things, do new things and transform yourself in the process.  And I through it all, I am with my man.  What more can you ask from life?

Interview with the Housewives # 4: The Real Housewife of New York

One of the most surprising and comforting thing about being a housewife now was sharing the same experience with my bestest cousin.  My cousin and I have been close no matter the distance.  When she was still living in the Philippines, their family was based in Cebu while we are in Manila.  They then moved to New York but we would exchange letters (yes, good old handwritten snail mailed letters!) to keep in touch.  With Facebook, keeping in touch could never have been easier.  Now that we’re both housewives, we never wanted to be closer to each other than ever!  That would be too fun!  In as much as we’re separated by 10.5 hours and countless number of miles we share a similar story.  Here it is…

The Real Housewife of New York (TRHNY) has been a housewife for 7 months already.  There were a couple of circumstances that lead TRHNY to decide that housewifedom would be best for her.  First, TRHNY decided to leave her job for personal reasons (She was a Clinical Dietician and a Diet Tech for 6 years).  Shortly after that, she and her hubby wanted to travel and it didn’t make sense to find another job right away as she wouldn’t have time off for that vacation.  And third, they wanted to start a family (they are pregnant with their 1^st!).  Aside from housewifely duties, she would assist her hubby with his photoshoot gigs (weddings and engagement portraits).   

LLVL:  How was the transition like for you shifting from your prior occupation to being a housewife?

TRHNY:  It was quite odd at first not waking up at 5am everyday for work, but because I already know that I'll be taking a break from my job, I had already planned my "things" to do.

LLVL:  What made it easy?

TRHNY:  What made it easy for me was having a very understanding husband who didn't think any less of me when I made the decision to stop working. 

Editor’s Note:  I love hearing about wonderful stories of the understanding husbands.  My husband is one and it is a joy being married to him!  I wish the same for all the women out there.  And I’m very happy my cousin is married to one!

LLVL:  What made it difficult?

TRHNY:  What made it difficult was that I no longer was receiving a paycheck biweekly, and that would mean I would have to "depend" on my husband for groceries and other expenses for the home.

LLVL:  This is such an issue for me.  When I earned and spent my own money, I felt free – free to do what I want with it. I don’t need to account for my expenses to anyone – which maybe the reason why I don’t do accounting at all! Haha! Now I live on a monthly allowance – which I budget and do the accounting – not because it is required but because I think it’s my duty to.  I am happy that within these boundaries I have the freedom to do with it as I wish.  Yesterday I was buying a binder for my files – I really wanted to buy the most expensive one because it was really the best fit for my needs among the lot.  I somehow felt guilty that I’m buying it.  It wasn’t too expensive (just most expensive), it was within budget, I still have more than enough for the week and I decided that better spend on a quality piece than a cheaper piece that wasn’t upto my standards.  If that was my own money, I wouldn’t have felt the guilt.  But I have a more philosophical take on this – I see it as God’s challenge for me to surrender.  I am a control freak really (that’s why my dad always reminds me to relax) and it is a huge blow to my ego to depend on someone for something.  But that is what marriage is about.  More than depending on someone for the money, but really the act of letting go of one’s self, one’s insecurities (and securities) and hang-ups.  It is about surrendering your life to your husband and allowing him to take care of you.  And once I’ve done that, I felt a lot of tension within me ease.  But it wasn’t all my doing.  One biggest factors of the shift is that the fact that my husband showed me he was happy to do it, that I shouldn’t fear and that it is, at the end of the day, ok. 

LLVL:  What do you like best in being a housewife?

TRHNY:  What I like best of being a housewife is having the opportunity to explore the art of cooking and baking.  I am a terrible cook (take my word for it), but I love baking desserts (this I must say is my strongest points).  It's a good thing that my husband is a dessert lover because even if the meals I cooked are not that good, I make him happy with the desserts I make :) 

LLVL: What are the challenges?

TRHNY:  The challenges I must say is to constantly find something to do so I don't get bored, and not rely on the days ahead of me as an excuse to be lazy.  For example:  Laundry and cleaning the house.  I can easily put that off because I know tomorrow I don't have any special plans, but I try to have a schedule for laundry and cleaning to avoid putting it off to another day.

LLVL:  What things you do that help you enjoy being a housewife?

TRHNY:  I read to keep me busy from novels to magazines, medical journals, news from the internet, recipe books.  I Facebook (who doesn't when we have so much time in our hands now... haha!).  I make time to meet my friends for lunch or dinner if they're available. I visit my family when they're off from work during the week.  I do yoga exercises. I go out with my husband to take photos on weekends if we don't have other things to do.  I watch TV.  If I'm not cooking, I'm whipping up desserts :)

LLVL: Any other tips to enjoy being a housewife?

TRHNY: 1) Keep yourself busy with the things you enjoy the most. 2) Do the things that you have always wanted to do, and never got the chance to do it because of your previous job. 3) Spice up intimacy with your husband. Surprise him with anything from a romantic candle lit dinner for two at home, a nice candle lit bubble bath (if you have a bathtub, if not, sneak in the shower with him), and put on a sexy lingerie in bed.  4) Stay away from shopping unless it's necessary (haha!). 

Editor’s Note:  Hmmm… now that’s a thought!

LLVL:  Do you have plans of shifting back to being a working girl?

TRHNY:  I do plan on possibly working part time or per diem after the baby is a bit older, since my husband and I decided that we are not hiring a sitter, it's quite impossible to work without worrying who's going to watch our child.  Of course when our child is of school age, I'll be going back to work full time, unless we plan for the 2nd baby right away :)

LLVL:  Any other words of wisdom?

TRHNY:  Have confidence in yourself.  Don't let other people think of you less just because you're no longer the "working girl" you used to be.  One day, all your savings will start to decrease, don't panic... just ask your husband nicely to provide a little cash:)  Being a housewife is not necessarily an easy task, so don't let your guard down and it doesn't mean that you're always home, that you forget about yourself.  Don't forget that you still have to look your best.

I love my cousin!  She is totally rockin’ being a housewife and reminding us all that just because we stay at home most of the time, we should look and be anything less than fabulous! 

So that’s it for this edition of the Interview with the Housewives!

Riding the Sigmoid Curve in La Lanka

Last week I’ve reached my all time low living in la Lanka.  It is NOT because of the service, good Lord no! (Service Næ ) but something deeper than that.  I really didn’t think much about moving here.  It was just the most natural thing in the world being with my hubby.  I knew it required a dying to self – it was a ginormous sacrifice leaving my life behind.  But it is very clear to me that my life was meant to be lived with hubby, wherever in the world that maybe.  And whatever it takes.  To date, that remains strong (it’s not been a while but still).  My biggest mistake was thinking that I will leave my life behind but pick up from where I left off.  Little did I know that this time, I would be starting from scratch. 

I’ve never been out of a job since graduating from college.  For 7 years of my adult life, my career is what defined me.  I was the HR girl who was focused on getting from point a to point b at work while at the same time juggling school and finally getting an M.A. in Industrial Organizational Psychology.  My life was so aligned.  Now that I found myself being a housewife, all that defined me before suddenly does not apply.  I left my life, but I’m not picking up where I left off.  Instead I am picking up pieces – anything I can get my hands on.

I jumped into embracing this profession.  Interviewing wonderful women who chose housewifedom and learning a lot from them!  I started enjoying the downtime this way of life provides.  As per Diplo Wife, “There is infinite joy to being a housewife if one is to explore all the other aspects of one's life and passions (aside from work).” 

One is writing.  I’ve always enjoyed writing.  I even wanted to seriously pursue it but of course it wasn’t going to pay as much as my old job was.  But lookie here, I am writing.  Writing to live but not for a living.  Also, as per Diplo Wife, “a group of fabulous friends to have ladies lunch with and talk to about the joys and pains of being an expat’s/diplomat’s wife” does not hurt a bit. I think I’ve found some fabulous women in my Sinhala class with whom I occasionally lunch with and share a couple of beers over.  Yes during lunch, why not?

The Academic Wife inspired me to take up a hobby.  And I seriously dove into it.  Even before arriving in Colombo, I have been searching for the perfect yoga center for me.  I wasn’t able to find the best one until I got here.  I tried yoga in a gym class which was enjoyable but another yoga center called out to me.  I was taught one-on-one by a wonderful Indian lady for 10 straight days.  A requirement for beginners.  Now I can do a headstand (albeit against the wall but staying there and breathing), shoulder stand and the plough without years of practice!  Which pushed me to take the Bajaj (public transpo) because some classes clashed with hubby’s schedule - a logistical concern with the car and driver.  Anyway I gained my mobility (albeit with some frustrations along the way) because of pursuing yoga.  And because of yoga itself I gained so much (more on this on a separate post later!). 

Farmer Wife said something that allowed me to let go and chill out.  Hubby will not love me because of gourmet meals and a perfect home.  He has loved me even before he knew how I would fare in that area.  Which made me enjoy cooking more and somehow a consolation in my daily life.  I cooked with my heart.  Not to impress but because it was the kind of food that fed the belly big time.  It also fed the soul – of those who eat but more so of the one who was doing the cooking.

The center of energy in our humble abode

Amidst all these, there was something terribly missing.  Doing all of these can only last a while.  In as much as there are other worldly pursuits that make up a person, for me there has to be some semblance of work into it.  Because at the end of the day, I know I love my profession and what I did.  Prior to leaving Manila I was hoping to find a job here.  I was more optimistic than realistic.  The frustration is because of the visa situation.  It is damn hard to get a working visa if your husband already has one.  I gave myself 3 months to find a job.  The job prospect is not a problem but the visa situation has not changed one bit.  It’s so near it’s almost here but yet so far.  It’s been halfway through my self-imposed timeline and I’m panicking inside.  I might need to accept that I will be a housewife for the whole duration of the assignment (yikes!).  Honestly my frame of mind was that it was a temporary arrangement.  But somehow deep inside I knew the possibility was real.  That’s why I had to soothe myself with the Interviews with the Housewives.

The couch for the potato...

Also something deep inside me is saying that there is actually something that God wants me to figure out, grasp and learn.  When things you think you want or need do not turn out easily, you know the universe is leading you to a detour.  It is frustrating when you don’t know what it is and no matter what you do it’s not getting to you.  I’m sure a bit of it is patience but I somehow I feel there is something else. 

And then the day of the dumps came.  The night before I was thinking about taking a big step.  I was talking about it with my husband and as always, he was all out support.  I was thinking about the timing, that I should the step when I get this job, so at least I could replenish the investment.  But in as much as that is perfectly practical, I knew it was not the right decision.  I decided to sleep on it.  And when I woke up, I immediately knew it was a terrible day that I didn’t want to go through.  I knew I was in the dumps because I didn’t want to go to yoga and I had to ask hubby to stay behind a little bit to cry things out with him.  The whole day I didn’t have the appetite for anything.  I didn’t want to clean (well that is always but on better days I push myself!), and all I wanted was to lie on the couch and watch tv.  Totally unheard of in my past life.  Back then if you feel shitty it doesn’t matter – you just have to get up and go.  But now, where do I need to get up and go to?  There was no Sinhala class that day, not even a grocery day and the one thing that could make me feel better is not until cooking for dinner.  So couch day it was!  I was surprised that I allowed myself that.  But I was just being true and now I have the luxury to.

Then the Sigmoid Curve came to mind.  The Sigmoid Curve is the learning curve.  There is a more mathematical explanation to it but please, let’s not go there.  It looks like this:

The Sigmoid Curve courtesy of www.biz_ed.co.uk

The 2 axes represent performance and time.  In the first curve, when you start there is generally a dip in performance.  Birth pains maybe?  It’s really like that when you learn something new, it’s a painful process as it requires you to clear out a bit of cognitive space to make way for something new.  And there are some things we just can’t let go and unlearn.  When we get the hang of it, what we learn then translates to performance and we steadily improve.  When we reach a certain level of comfort, the subject matter becomes second nature.  Cruising through life maybe?  Then the time comes when we feel we’ve plateaud.  Performance then dips because where you are at is not exciting anymore, it doesn’t push you because you’ve reached a place where the challenge that fueled you no longer exists. 

The trick is to start another curve – a totally different one.  As how you started the previous curve, there will always be a dip.  But your curve will no longer be where you initially started.  The beauty of this curve is that it has the capacity to go further up than you’ve experienced before.  And for me the Sigmoid Curve is a curve of life that we should strive for.  It is also a symbol of hope.   That #1, the dumps will not be forever.  And #2, you’re starting the process of a bigger, better and higher curve. 

That day of the dumps I made a decision to take a leap of faith into a new and exciting foray.  And for the first time in a while, something has taken hold of me in the area of “work.”  What that is, well you will soon find out! 

Interview with the Housewives #3: The Farmer Wife

My interview takes us to the Philippine countryside with The Farmer Wife.  Jo Ann and her hubby run a farm in Bulacan since they got married.  I always admired Jo Ann for being the no-nonsense woman she is and it shows in her approach in being a housewife.  She was the first girl who married in our college barkada.  I was the last.  And this is her (or our) story. 

The Farmer Wife (FW) is a work-from-home mom of one baby boy.  It was natural for her to work from home since work is practically at their backyard.  She has been doing this for almost 5 years now and has no plans of changing this arrangement.  

LLVL: How was the transition like for you shifting from your prior occupation to being a housewife?   

FW: Difficult and challenging.

LLVL: What made it difficult and challenging?

FW: I'm not used to doing chores and God chores are indeed chores! Plus being stuck at home is so boring.

Editor’s Note: Ditto! I never though that I would dislike chores so much because back in Manila I would do some here and there.  We don’t have full-time help so it was expected of my brothers and I to help out.  But it’s not the same when the all chores rest on you! I do things manually over here and it can make you OC-er than how you really are.  A sign that chores are not my favorite, there are days that I forget that it’s cleaning day… like today (hihi!)… 

LLVL: What are the challenges?   

FW:  Thinking about meals and cleaning the house in days when you just want to sleep.

Editor’s Note:  I know right?  Menu planning is more complicated than people think!  You need to have a good strategic sense because a dish exists within a weekly plan. And a weekly plan (as massive as it already is) has to be diverse in itself and diverse compared to the week before and the week after.  You also need to have a good understanding of the market especially when you need to source something that is not in the regular diet of your locality.  Case in point, try looking for bagoong in the local supermarket in Sri Lanka.  You won’t find it.  Not even the raw mats to make it yourself!

LLVL: Any words of wisdom to fellow housewives out there?

FW:  Accept that Mrs. All-Organized is not always reality. Give it a break!  Chill out.  Not all things are meant to be squeaky clean and gourmet perfect for your husband to love you.  Solicit his help too.

Editor’s Note: This is one of the most practical advices I’ve ever received.  Our upbringing has taught us to be perfectionists – in school, at work and even at home.  This is well and good but we all know perfection all the time is impossible.  Which therefore leads to a very stressful life.  Every time I clean the house I get really pissed because I know I could do better but I just can’t do it on a twice-a-week basis!  If I do that my life would just revolve around cleaning.  What a pathetic existence that would be!  Now, I’ve learned to do it smarter.  Some areas do not need regular cleaning while others do.  I also learned to be flexible about my cleaning schedule.  I have a Gantt Chart that I almost religiously follow but now since ultimately I’m really my own boss in the house, I do things depending on how I feel that day and the other things I need to do that may vary.  As long as on a weekly basis I am able to accomplish what I set out to do, I am good.  And since hubby is better in cleaning than me, I really do solicit his help.  Lucky for me my hubby is just awesome and never has complained about doing home chores.  I am the luckiest wife ever!

So there you are, the story of two ladies.  Doing the best they could to make their house a home.  But trying not to stress too much cleaning and cooking gourmet meals to make that home perfect.  At the end of the day it is teamwork – and you and hubby are in the same team.  And that makes the home perfect.

Till the next Interview with the Housewives! 

Interview with the Housewives #1: The Diplomatic Wife

I want to start with the story of one of my best-est friends, The Diplomatic Wife.  We’ve been friends since 4^th grade and have gone through the many twists and turns of life together.  And I’m happy and fortunate to have her as my housewife mentor!  I also wanted to start with her story because it was her who got me fascinated with this alternate universe of not being in the corporate field.  She was the quintessential corporate gal and a bundle of energy to boost! Yet totally embraced this special calling of being a housewife.  Here is her (or our) story: 

The Diplomatic Wife (or DW) became a housewife in November 2008.  She quit working a hectic marketing career because she was burned out and was getting sick left and right.  Add to the fact that her hubby’s foreign mission was looming.  They are now assigned in Jakarta, Indonesia.  No kids yet – except for the Diplo Dog (as in he was “shipped” from the Philippines!).

Me, Hubby, Diplo Dog and Diplo Wife

 

Livin’ La Vida Lanka (LLVL):  How was the transition like for you shifting from being a corporate girl to being a housewife?

DW:  It was easy because I needed the rest and my health was suffering from being overworked (14-hour days anyone?). The only thing that was difficult is the process of "rebranding" one's image.  Before when I meet and talk to people it's easy to say who you are and what you do. There's also that sense of importance in being part of something big (like a multi-national company or a company that is innovating the way people interact with technology). But when you first become a housewife, what do you say to people and how do you make yourself relevant and interesting becomes a challenge. The conversations would go like this: 

Me:  So what do you do? 

Stranger:  Oh I am a diplomat from the so and so embassy. And you?

Me:  I am the wife of X, who works with the so and so embassy.

Stranger:  Ahhh....

      Me:  So what exactly do you do? (Then we spend the entire conversation talking about what the other person does)

Do you see what I am getting at here? And there's also that annoying urge to say what you used to do, to show that you were once a person of substance. It's horrible I know, and I should feel like I have to do it, but it's only natural...

Editor’s Note: Argh, I super know how it feels!  For my first Sinhala class of course introductions were in order.  So you have to say your name (nama), your country (rata), your language (bashava) and your occupation (rassava).  So I go: "Mage nama Tala.  Mage rata Philippines.  Mage bashava Filipino.  Mama housewife-kenek."  For the first time, in public, I acknowledged that my occupation is such. I suddenly felt saying, Lord please let the ground eat me up.  But ok, maybe it was just birth pains.  Note to self: NO SHAME!  Emotion number 1: Denial.

LLVL: What are the difficulties of being a housewife?

DW:  Being a marketing executive that is used to high-levels of stress, I still have a tendency to be stressed about the little things and run my household like a marketing campaign, with Excel sheets, Powerpoints and all. I stick to my personal deadlines and get very upset and stressed when I fail to do so. I guess it's a habit of being used to having stress in my life. I have to reframe my way of thinking to reflect my current lifestyle of having no boss and more flexible deadlines. Also sometimes when you do the little things at home it can become a thankless task especially when people get used to it.

Editor’s Note: I’ve always thought that running a household is being your own General Manager.  There is Human Resources firstly – whether “managing” your help, your hubby or kids.  There is Operations – I now have a renewed appreciation for Inventory Planning after half our veggies got soiled… I bought for a week, the ref is tiny and I’ve been changing the temp.  Talk about poor storage practices.  Not to mention Finance – I have a monitoring sheet to track all our spending which I report to hubby (self-imposed).  Marketing – literally like going to the market but also marketing what the food is tonight!  Hubby has to have a reason to come home early right (food is one of his key drivers)?  And Sales – well I have to sell well enough what he has to eat, like it and come back for more ;-)  And even if managing the household is the only thing that keeps you occupied – yes, stressful!  It’s not because of the load but in my case because of the desire to be a high performer.   

LLVL:  How about what makes things easy?

DW:  An understanding husband that doesn't expect me to be a high performance housewife. And a group of fabulous friends to have ladies lunch with and talk to about the joys and pains of being an expat’s/diplomat’s wife.

Editor’s Note:  Understanding husband, check!  When oh when will I have fabulous friends to have ladies lunch with and talk about the woes of being an expat’s wife!?

LLVL: What do you like best in being a housewife? 

DW: I am learning things that my family never imagined I could do and I'm developing a different side to myself - like cooking, baking, sewing. And the possibilities are endless.  I'd also like to take up yoga, regain my health and build up my immune system, contribute to a lifestyle/expat magazine, and take interior design in the future.

LLVL:  Any other words of wisdom? 

DW: There is infinite joy to being a housewife if one is to explore all the other aspects of one's life and passions (aside from work).  Be creative: create food, create art, create crafts, create, create and create... Get a Filipina maid and fast internet.

Editor’s Note: I love it, I think this is the key - that there are other aspects to one's life and passions that may not be necessarily attached to an occupation.  But a Filipina maid all the way to Sri Lanka???  Sweetie, she would have more income than I do! Haha! But if and when the baby comes, surely I will ask for help.  But for now, I am The Filipina Maid!  Haha!

So there you are, the story of two friends who found themselves at 29, fabulous housewives to their diplo/expat hubbies.  Now only if they found themselves in the same country!

The Diplomatic Wife maintains a blog about life as a… (guess!)… Diplomatic Wife.  Check it out: http://thediplomaticwife.wordpress.com/     

Till our next conversation at Interview with the Housewives – where the real housewives talk!

Interview with the Housewives: An Introduction

In my attempt to make sense of this situation I got myself in (no hard feelings really!  Just going through the change curve!) I decided to tackle it the best way I know how.  Interview the experts.  I didn’t know it was “so HR” until my Diplo Wife best friend pointed it out!  I actually thought it was more the researcher in me!

Looking at my future housewifedom!

So let me tell you about my mini-project.  I wrote a couple of my friends who are/were housewives.  I figured it would be helpful for me to see how other women have done it and (hopefully) is enjoying (or have enjoyed) the so-called life of a housewife.  Basically I looked at how they transitioned, what helped them, their challenges, tips and of course their words of wisdom. 

I will present you their stories one by one as they come.  I will not attempt to consolidate data and present you quantitative summaries or analysis.  Rather I present to you their story and I present to you mine and how what they said resonated with where I am at the point of writing.  And that’s as much correlation you will get! 

So sit back, enjoy, relax and let’s get into the lives of our home divas and mga ilaw ng tahanan (light of the home) in Interview with the Housewives.

The Real Housewife of Colombo

The view of Colombo from our veranda

Around a month and a half after I started this blog, I finally arrived in the tea country! The journey was (and still is) interesting – a series of difficult but beautiful transformations.  One such transformation was filling out the immigration card.  I didn’t know that it would be such a moment.  In particular, I didn’t realize that answering the box for “Occupation” was so defining.  Normally I would put HR Manager or its derivative.  Last October 2 was the first day in 7 years that I couldn’t.  That day I didn’t have an occupation so I just put “None.” 

I didn’t think too much of it until I was asked by the Immigration Officer, “Why None?”  Yeah, why none?  I was telling my husband about this when I arrived and he said, “Why didn’t you just put housewife?”  Yeah, why didn’t I?  I guess at that moment, I wasn’t yet a housewife.  I was still 10 hours away.

Now, 6 days after I arrived I can say I am a housewife.  I am a wife, I stay home around 50% of the time, I wash, I cook (yes!), I clean and I decorate.  When I was still working and there were days when I get enough of the stress, the people and the politics, I dream I was a housewife – not just your everyday housewife, an expat’s wife!  It was a nice convenient escape.  Now that I am “living the dream” it does feel like an escape.  I actually feel like I’m in a silent retreat most of the day (sans the TV, internet and radio).  I like the balance of staying home and going out.  And on both occasions I am definitely occupied.  But it is a different kind of “occupation.”  It is totally an escape from my “previous life.” 

In as much as I dreamed of becoming an expat’s wife, I loved the life I lead.  I was working in reputable organizations, learning a lot, touching quite a few people along the way, dealing with challenges that fed my soul.  There are times when it felt like the daily grind and you want nothing but to take a vacation.  Now that I’m in this “vacation” I hope that it stays that way, a vacation.  It will be good while it lasted but it has an end.  To the housewives out there, I totally respect you because it is hard work and a totally different discipline altogether!  But really, enlighten me how you are able to do it because I think I still have a lot of learn.  

Reunited with Hubby

The battle plan is settle in, make the house a home, enjoy being a housewife (a good one at that!) and then continue doing what I’m passionate about (work in organization development / human resources) on top of continuously making the house a home and being a wife.  Now that’s truly quite an occupation!  But for now, I’m still learning to embrace this so-called-life as a housewife.  And along the way I hope I can find passion in it and be a really good wife.