We got married at the time we did because of Sri Lanka. My husband got an assignment here and wanted to take me along. Of course my uber Catholic upbringing and principles required us to get married. After 1 month and 9 days of preparation, we did. Two weeks later my husband started his assignment. A month (the longest month evah!) later I followed suit.
At first I was excited, I’m going to be an expat’s wife! How fabulous could that be? Well apparently… not very. A lot of people have this misconception of an expat life, especially an expat’s wife’s life. What I can say is this, anything that takes you out of your comfort zone is disorienting. For a control-freak like me, that is not fabulous at all.
But I digress.
Back to marriage and being a wife.
Starting our life in Sri Lanka pretty much gave me a Marriage + Wife 101.
The things I firmly held onto in my life back in Manila, I left when I went to Sri Lanka.
I left my family and friends.
I left my job and source of income (which pretty much meant my independence as well).
I left my identity.
I vowed to my husband that I will go where he goes. How romantic! How adventurous! It is! Actually. But not in the way I expected it to be.
Don’t get me wrong. Being married to my husband is easy like a Sunday morning. Living with him is a joy.
I learned these lessons pretty much the hard way:
I learned that I do not operate as a “singular” entity anymore. I have a partner. And I allowed myself to depend on him.
I still have my family and friends, no matter where I am. But what my family and friends offer me, my husband gives me too. I let him be my family and friends and I became his family and friends too.
I learned that I am still me – even without the trappings of my “Manila” life. That I am growing, changing and transforming not on my own anymore but we’re growing, changing and transforming together as husband and wife and as our individual identities.
At the end of the day I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Marriage and a start-up wife La Vida Lanka!