Goodbye “Quotable” Journal

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always kept a journal.  Back in the good old days it was still called a “diary.”  I like writing my thoughts down.  I like writing my prayers.  I like writing what strikes me in the things I read.  I like writing my goals down – they get to be accomplished that way.

Today, I wrote my last entry in my “quotable” journal (quotable is the brand). I felt sentimental and the moment was poignant.  As if I’m saying goodbye to a good friend.  What’s special about this journal?  Well the last 3 years have been short of saying transformational.  And my “quotable” journal was a witness through it.  3 years for a journal??? Well, I didn’t write everyday and it was mighty thick!

My Quotable Journal Cover from www.quotablecards.com

My very first entry was a Birthday List for 2007.  Instead of New Year’s Resolution, I write a Birthday List.  Your birthday anyway is Your New Year. Back then I wanted to be more kind to myself and my body – get fear and anxiety out of my system, save (haha!), let go of a nasty habit.  I also wanted to defend my MA thesis – I’ve graduated now.  And I wanted to pray more – weekday masses (as much as possible) and daily prayer now a way of life.

It was where I wrote my subsequent birthday lists for 2008 and 2009. Which reminds me, I have to write one for this year!

It was also the repository of Elizabeth Gilbert’s words from Eat, Pray, Love (my bible!).  Because of that I learned to find “healing and peace that can only come from solitude.”  I learned my “way around loneliness…” and never used “another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled desires.”  I was also able to “clear out all the space in your mind that you’re using right now to obsess about this guy, you’ll have a vacuum there, an open spot – a doorway.  And guess what the universe will do with that doorway?  It will rush in – God will rush in – and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed.  Stop using David to block that door.  Let it go.”  And rush in God did!

It was also where I wrote my notes on other books that help me shape my thinking like Julie Powell’s Julie and Julia, Marielle Guilliano’s Women, Work and the Art of Savoir Faire, Elizabeth Gilbert’s Committed and Cecilia Ahern's The Book of Tomorrow among others.

It was where I wrote my vision of my ideal man – and most importantly my non-negotiables.  And my husband ticked ALL of that.

It helped me find my way through a career situation.  It helped me find the next best step and take it.  It was where I wrote down Alicia Key’s Element of Freedom, something that was in my iPod and gave me strength to take that career step:

“And the day came

When the risk it took

To remain tight and closed in the bud

Was more painful

Than the risk it took to bloom.

This is the element of freedom.”

It was my prayer journal in my silent retreat Lent of 2010.

It was where I wrote my friend’s quote: “Life is too short NOT to be spent in the pursuit of dreams (Charisse Salinas).”

It was where I wrote that I wanted to run a race outside the country.  It didn’t mention a distance but I did my 1^st Half Marathon in New York, August 2009.

It was where I wrote when I wanted to get married, to whom and my “get ready plan.”  I’m so anal that way. I got married way ahead of my timeline!  But most importantly I married the man God created for me.  He just didn’t tick my vision of an ideal man and my non-negotiables he exceeded it.  And I am thankful everyday that I cook for him, take care of him, hold his hand when we sleep, wake up to prepare his breakfast and get him ready for work and everything in between.

And it was where I wrote my daily prayers, tried to make sense of where I am and where I need to go.

True to the quotable cover, my journal witnessed how I:

Walk in the rain,

smell flowers,

stop along the way,

build sandcastles,

go on field trips,

find out how things work,

tell stories,

say the magic words,

trust the universe. 

-Bruce Williamson