Riding the Sigmoid Curve in La Lanka

Last week I’ve reached my all time low living in la Lanka.  It is NOT because of the service, good Lord no! (Service Næ ) but something deeper than that.  I really didn’t think much about moving here.  It was just the most natural thing in the world being with my hubby.  I knew it required a dying to self – it was a ginormous sacrifice leaving my life behind.  But it is very clear to me that my life was meant to be lived with hubby, wherever in the world that maybe.  And whatever it takes.  To date, that remains strong (it’s not been a while but still).  My biggest mistake was thinking that I will leave my life behind but pick up from where I left off.  Little did I know that this time, I would be starting from scratch. 

I’ve never been out of a job since graduating from college.  For 7 years of my adult life, my career is what defined me.  I was the HR girl who was focused on getting from point a to point b at work while at the same time juggling school and finally getting an M.A. in Industrial Organizational Psychology.  My life was so aligned.  Now that I found myself being a housewife, all that defined me before suddenly does not apply.  I left my life, but I’m not picking up where I left off.  Instead I am picking up pieces – anything I can get my hands on.

I jumped into embracing this profession.  Interviewing wonderful women who chose housewifedom and learning a lot from them!  I started enjoying the downtime this way of life provides.  As per Diplo Wife, “There is infinite joy to being a housewife if one is to explore all the other aspects of one's life and passions (aside from work).” 

One is writing.  I’ve always enjoyed writing.  I even wanted to seriously pursue it but of course it wasn’t going to pay as much as my old job was.  But lookie here, I am writing.  Writing to live but not for a living.  Also, as per Diplo Wife, “a group of fabulous friends to have ladies lunch with and talk to about the joys and pains of being an expat’s/diplomat’s wife” does not hurt a bit. I think I’ve found some fabulous women in my Sinhala class with whom I occasionally lunch with and share a couple of beers over.  Yes during lunch, why not?

The Academic Wife inspired me to take up a hobby.  And I seriously dove into it.  Even before arriving in Colombo, I have been searching for the perfect yoga center for me.  I wasn’t able to find the best one until I got here.  I tried yoga in a gym class which was enjoyable but another yoga center called out to me.  I was taught one-on-one by a wonderful Indian lady for 10 straight days.  A requirement for beginners.  Now I can do a headstand (albeit against the wall but staying there and breathing), shoulder stand and the plough without years of practice!  Which pushed me to take the Bajaj (public transpo) because some classes clashed with hubby’s schedule - a logistical concern with the car and driver.  Anyway I gained my mobility (albeit with some frustrations along the way) because of pursuing yoga.  And because of yoga itself I gained so much (more on this on a separate post later!). 

Farmer Wife said something that allowed me to let go and chill out.  Hubby will not love me because of gourmet meals and a perfect home.  He has loved me even before he knew how I would fare in that area.  Which made me enjoy cooking more and somehow a consolation in my daily life.  I cooked with my heart.  Not to impress but because it was the kind of food that fed the belly big time.  It also fed the soul – of those who eat but more so of the one who was doing the cooking.

The center of energy in our humble abode

Amidst all these, there was something terribly missing.  Doing all of these can only last a while.  In as much as there are other worldly pursuits that make up a person, for me there has to be some semblance of work into it.  Because at the end of the day, I know I love my profession and what I did.  Prior to leaving Manila I was hoping to find a job here.  I was more optimistic than realistic.  The frustration is because of the visa situation.  It is damn hard to get a working visa if your husband already has one.  I gave myself 3 months to find a job.  The job prospect is not a problem but the visa situation has not changed one bit.  It’s so near it’s almost here but yet so far.  It’s been halfway through my self-imposed timeline and I’m panicking inside.  I might need to accept that I will be a housewife for the whole duration of the assignment (yikes!).  Honestly my frame of mind was that it was a temporary arrangement.  But somehow deep inside I knew the possibility was real.  That’s why I had to soothe myself with the Interviews with the Housewives.

The couch for the potato...

Also something deep inside me is saying that there is actually something that God wants me to figure out, grasp and learn.  When things you think you want or need do not turn out easily, you know the universe is leading you to a detour.  It is frustrating when you don’t know what it is and no matter what you do it’s not getting to you.  I’m sure a bit of it is patience but I somehow I feel there is something else. 

And then the day of the dumps came.  The night before I was thinking about taking a big step.  I was talking about it with my husband and as always, he was all out support.  I was thinking about the timing, that I should the step when I get this job, so at least I could replenish the investment.  But in as much as that is perfectly practical, I knew it was not the right decision.  I decided to sleep on it.  And when I woke up, I immediately knew it was a terrible day that I didn’t want to go through.  I knew I was in the dumps because I didn’t want to go to yoga and I had to ask hubby to stay behind a little bit to cry things out with him.  The whole day I didn’t have the appetite for anything.  I didn’t want to clean (well that is always but on better days I push myself!), and all I wanted was to lie on the couch and watch tv.  Totally unheard of in my past life.  Back then if you feel shitty it doesn’t matter – you just have to get up and go.  But now, where do I need to get up and go to?  There was no Sinhala class that day, not even a grocery day and the one thing that could make me feel better is not until cooking for dinner.  So couch day it was!  I was surprised that I allowed myself that.  But I was just being true and now I have the luxury to.

Then the Sigmoid Curve came to mind.  The Sigmoid Curve is the learning curve.  There is a more mathematical explanation to it but please, let’s not go there.  It looks like this:

The Sigmoid Curve courtesy of www.biz_ed.co.uk

The 2 axes represent performance and time.  In the first curve, when you start there is generally a dip in performance.  Birth pains maybe?  It’s really like that when you learn something new, it’s a painful process as it requires you to clear out a bit of cognitive space to make way for something new.  And there are some things we just can’t let go and unlearn.  When we get the hang of it, what we learn then translates to performance and we steadily improve.  When we reach a certain level of comfort, the subject matter becomes second nature.  Cruising through life maybe?  Then the time comes when we feel we’ve plateaud.  Performance then dips because where you are at is not exciting anymore, it doesn’t push you because you’ve reached a place where the challenge that fueled you no longer exists. 

The trick is to start another curve – a totally different one.  As how you started the previous curve, there will always be a dip.  But your curve will no longer be where you initially started.  The beauty of this curve is that it has the capacity to go further up than you’ve experienced before.  And for me the Sigmoid Curve is a curve of life that we should strive for.  It is also a symbol of hope.   That #1, the dumps will not be forever.  And #2, you’re starting the process of a bigger, better and higher curve. 

That day of the dumps I made a decision to take a leap of faith into a new and exciting foray.  And for the first time in a while, something has taken hold of me in the area of “work.”  What that is, well you will soon find out! 

Service Næ

For the month and a half of living in Sri Lanka, most of my daily interactions are with people in the service industry.  Pretty much those who sell stuff – cashiers, sales ladies and men, waiters and even the Bajaj drivers (argh!).  Blame that on home decorating, home office shopping, regular grocery shopping and general eating and dining.  Recent experience pushed me to rant about their service – or lack thereof.  I’m NOT saying this for all, but this goes for most interactions in my 1.5 months experience.

What is it like? 

They are not mean or anything.  In fact they are very friendly and courteous.  But these are very different from SERVICE.

Bajaj drivers (50% of them and I noticed the more stocky ones) will rip you off.  Say plus 50% of the usual fare.  Even if they don’t know where you’re going and you have to be the one to point the directions…  Seriously?

The guy whom I was going to buy printer from didn’t want me to test the damn thing.  Again, seriously???  I suppose that’s the way it goes because the next store I went to has the same policy.  What made me buy from this other guy was the assurance of warranty.  But then, he had the gall to ask me if I really wanted to check the contents of the pack since it has warranty anyways.  Well, hello???  I’m already in the store right now and you’re getting the stuff out of the box anyway!

Why was it such a pain buying you? :-(

The office is set! Printer working a-ok! Frustration worth it!

Concierge at Mount Lavinia hotel was not really living up to his role because when asked where a certain famous nearby resto is, his attitude was cocky and didn’t really offer any help – at all.  And you call yourself a concierge? 

Even the church was not spared!  Hubby and I wanted to have our flat blessed and we asked the parish office for a priest.  They took note of our details but never got back to us.  When I went back and followed up, the lady in the office knew nothing and told us that the priests were in retreat upto Saturday.  That information could have been supplied earlier right???

Water delivery service only delivers on the day they want.  I didn’t have empties on their self-imposed delivery date and asked them to come back the next day.  They said they will come back a week after.  I called to ask for delivery and the sales guy said that is not possible and asked me to call his manager!!!  SERIOUSLY???

Building guard didn’t want to have our huge furnitures up the elevator because by the looks of it he’s saying it won’t fit.  He was right, but my issue was he didn’t even try.  He just said no and was all negative about the alternative that I wanted – take it up 13 floors up via stairs.  It still won’t fit because of the sheer size of the thing but even if how impossible the task may seem, for me it doesn’t matter if you arrive at a solution.  But it really ticks me off if you don’t try to solve the problem.

How to deal? 

I get angry.  Tell them what I think.  And tell them what to do.  Somehow most of them won’t go beyond the obvious.  And is seemingly too lazy to think.  So I do the thinking for them.  Does it work?  Sometimes.  Other times it is just wise to accept the situation.  And maybe blame it on the language barrier.  Don’t get me wrong, they speak English well.  But the comprehension is still a challenge!  Or maybe it’s my accent?  I don’t know.  If all else fails, I look to those who can provide a better service.

First our trusty driver.  He is an amazingly friendly person (as in he will honk in the middle of the street because he saw a friend! Oh hello!).  Very concerned about our welfare… like choose papaya for me in the supermarket, buy me king coconut because he wants me to try it and gets worried if it’s already late and I haven’t sent him off to pick up hubby.  “How about sir?  Office?”  He is an exception.  Even if his English is limited he tries to understand.  And he tries hard.  And that makes a whole lot of difference.

Second the sales lady in Arpico (a local hypermarket).  I was looking for electrical tape and apparently they have a different term here.  So describe away I did.  Somehow she got what I was saying.  It wasn’t on display but she went to the backroom to get it.  With energy.  Way to go sister!

Third the waiter at Gallery Café.  Hubby asked for lemon juice of sorts.  Which I couldn’t understand what he was asking for really.  The waiter though understood him and brought him exactly what he wanted.

It’s a hit or miss really but the fact remains that the service industry still has a lot of customer orientation training to do.  I do hope I won’t get too riled up when this happens again.  Which it will.  Because it takes a hot fudge sundae and large fries to soothe my soul and that is not good for the belly and the heart!  So I vow to do three things: approach the situation without high expectations, simplify questions and requests/instructions (learn more Sinhala if needed) and muster all self control to soothe the frustration with a happy yummy sinful treat! 

   

Movie La Vida Lanka

Ever experienced watching a movie for say 45 minutes… then an intermission?  I thought intermissions were for plays only.  Not in Sri Lanka!  Apparently it is a practice to have an intermission in the middle of a movie!  Hello?  What’s up with that?

Well, people go off to the toilet, get snacks, some go home altogether (I think they even sell tickets for half the movie!).  While people who opt to wait it out get a treat viewing print ads ala slide show – yes I am NOT kidding.  Then a few other commercials, this time moving, follow.

Slide of an Ad in Sinhala

Slide of an Ad in English

I learned from S (my Sinhala classmate) that intermissions were usual for Bollywood movies.  I didn’t know Bollywood movies last for around 3-4 hours! I agree for that you do need an intermission!  But not for your average Hollywood movie which was what we were watching.  Oh well I guess Bollywood trumps Hollywood in this side of the world.

The movie house is quite ancient and it reeks of years of sweat that stuck to the chairs and walls.  It feels like watching a movie in old Guadalupe or Cubao standalone movie houses big in the 70’s and 80’s but doing it today.  I have never experienced that but that’s how it looks from the outside.  People put their feet up, answer the phone, talk to each other, not only during intermissions but also in the middle of the movie.     

A Stolen Shot of the Moviehouse During The Intermission

That’s how our baptism to the Sri Lankan movie house experience went!  Movie la vida Lanka!

Room With A View

One of the things I am thankful for living in Colombo is the view.  It is my first time to live in a high rise (well there was one crazy year of independence but I was only on the 3^rd floor and the whole apartment building was only upto the 5^th so that doesn’t count).  I was somehow aversed to it because I’ve always loved the village life.  Having your house planted on the ground (my mom never feels the earthquakes when I would experience them in the office or somewhere higher) gives you a sense of security and safety.  Our neighborhood in F1 had very nice paved roads and an awesome security system so running at 4am won’t give you the creeps.  When my husband and I lived in their home in an Antipolo village, it was also a treat.  Like coming home to a vacation house because of the lush foliage and the cool air.  So condo living really doesn’t appeal to me at all.  Always a village girl I would say!

But in Colombo we live in one.  Of course I was hoping for a house but with just the 2 of us and the Managing Director post still 2 big steps away from where my husband is, it’s a stretch!  But I’m not complaining.  It’s a new development and a spacious 2+1.  It was the best my husband saw and thank God it fit the budget!  But one of the best parts to it is that every morning when I bid my husband goodbye at our door, we take in an awesome view of the city and the Indian Ocean.  Not to mention getting quite a good breeze too!  

I’ve never had this leaving home for work.  Usually in F1 and Antipolo I would be greeted by the friendly neighbors, from babies to oldies.  Which was awesome in itself but the view from this height gives you something else.  Since we’re like the only one on our floor (for now), it’s the serenity of an empty floor.  But if you look farther out, on a good day, you get a nice view of the sun touching the roofs and trees of Colombo.  White puffy clouds amidst the most glorious blue I’ve ever seen.  And into the horizon, the Indian Ocean. 

If you see such beauty everyday, I don’t know how you could feel discontent.  This everyday experience is a reminder for me that I have such a blessed life.  That in as much as there are big chunks of the puzzle missing, the picture is nonetheless beautiful in its incompleteness.

And that’s livin’ la vida Lanka!         

November 3 and Family S

This picture was taken exactly 2 years ago when my family went on a wonderful cruise in the Mediterranean. It was one of the best family trips ever and I will be forever be grateful for that gift of travel and togetherness amidst the world’s most awesome sites and gastronomic delights.  It was the first time for me to celebrate my birthday outside the country.  In 2008 it was under the Tuscan sun. 

Today is the second time I’m celebrating my birthday away from “home.”  But instead of togetherness, Family S for the first time is in 5 different countries (totally apart!) in 3 continents.  Father is working in East Timor, Mother is presenting a study in Lithuania, Bro # 1 is studying in Australia and Bro # 2 is the man of the house in the Philippines.  Thank God for Facebook, it seems like we are not too far apart.

Birthday Dinner at 1864 (Galle Face Hotel)

But in as much as it seems sad to be away from my core family, now it is not too depressing.  Father was right, he said when you marry, it’s different from working or studying abroad.  Things change, priorities change, a lot of other things change.  And for the first time after the wedding I felt like Family S has changed and my place in it.  I will forever be a member of Family S but now I have Family O attached to it.  Family O of Mr. O and Family O of Mr. and Mrs. O.  Today, as I celebrate my birthday in as much as my Family S is not here, my own Family O is complete.  Hubby and I and a very happy birthday livin’ la vida Lanka.

Celebrating One Month of Livin’ La Vida Lanka!

Sri Lanka Flag Flying High At The Galle Face Green

Today (2 November 2010) marks my first month in Colombo, Sri Lanka.

Resident visa – Check!

I’ve pretty much found my bearings around Colombo and in nearby areas.  I can’t navigate on my own but I would know if it’s the right way or not.  Darn those roundabouts upon roundabouts though! Haha!

Daily routine – Check!

In as much as I enjoy cooking, I enjoy eating more!  And in this month I would say hubby and I have been to pretty good restaurants in the city.  I’m actually surprised there is a wide variety!  And there are more things to try out!

Getting around the city via public transpo – Check!

Sinhala chutak puluan!  I can speak a bit of Sinhala (their national language) – to the amazement of my hubby’s workmates and the pleasure of our trusty driver.  Thanks to my teacher and fun classmates!

New friends – Check!  Thanks to hubby’s really cool team (his brand team and most of Marketing) and my fun Sinhala classmates!

I am also practicing really serious and traditional yoga now.  One-on-one yoga classes with an Indian Yoga Guru for 10 straight days anyone?  I can do a shoulderstand, the plough and headstand! In just 4 days of practice.  She is awesome.  More on this later!

Home decorating – not fully but it is a work in progress!

Enjoying this break and embracing housewife-dom – check!

Scoring a job – well, hopefully that one pans out soon.  Complicated visa situation (even if they mistakenly gave me a work visa with hubby’s details!).  But all will happen in the right time.

Embracing the culture – a continuous journey but got some good headstart!  Pettah anyone? And some nice Bawa afternoons.

Happy faces!

My most significant achievement in the last 30 days?  Fully embracing that we are here and la vida Lanka is where we ought to be right now.  It is such a joy realizing that we are truly gifted with a beautiful life even if that is far from what we call(ed) home.  And in the last 30 days, all these things have made Colombo, home.  

Interview with the Housewives #3: The Farmer Wife

My interview takes us to the Philippine countryside with The Farmer Wife.  Jo Ann and her hubby run a farm in Bulacan since they got married.  I always admired Jo Ann for being the no-nonsense woman she is and it shows in her approach in being a housewife.  She was the first girl who married in our college barkada.  I was the last.  And this is her (or our) story. 

The Farmer Wife (FW) is a work-from-home mom of one baby boy.  It was natural for her to work from home since work is practically at their backyard.  She has been doing this for almost 5 years now and has no plans of changing this arrangement.  

LLVL: How was the transition like for you shifting from your prior occupation to being a housewife?   

FW: Difficult and challenging.

LLVL: What made it difficult and challenging?

FW: I'm not used to doing chores and God chores are indeed chores! Plus being stuck at home is so boring.

Editor’s Note: Ditto! I never though that I would dislike chores so much because back in Manila I would do some here and there.  We don’t have full-time help so it was expected of my brothers and I to help out.  But it’s not the same when the all chores rest on you! I do things manually over here and it can make you OC-er than how you really are.  A sign that chores are not my favorite, there are days that I forget that it’s cleaning day… like today (hihi!)… 

LLVL: What are the challenges?   

FW:  Thinking about meals and cleaning the house in days when you just want to sleep.

Editor’s Note:  I know right?  Menu planning is more complicated than people think!  You need to have a good strategic sense because a dish exists within a weekly plan. And a weekly plan (as massive as it already is) has to be diverse in itself and diverse compared to the week before and the week after.  You also need to have a good understanding of the market especially when you need to source something that is not in the regular diet of your locality.  Case in point, try looking for bagoong in the local supermarket in Sri Lanka.  You won’t find it.  Not even the raw mats to make it yourself!

LLVL: Any words of wisdom to fellow housewives out there?

FW:  Accept that Mrs. All-Organized is not always reality. Give it a break!  Chill out.  Not all things are meant to be squeaky clean and gourmet perfect for your husband to love you.  Solicit his help too.

Editor’s Note: This is one of the most practical advices I’ve ever received.  Our upbringing has taught us to be perfectionists – in school, at work and even at home.  This is well and good but we all know perfection all the time is impossible.  Which therefore leads to a very stressful life.  Every time I clean the house I get really pissed because I know I could do better but I just can’t do it on a twice-a-week basis!  If I do that my life would just revolve around cleaning.  What a pathetic existence that would be!  Now, I’ve learned to do it smarter.  Some areas do not need regular cleaning while others do.  I also learned to be flexible about my cleaning schedule.  I have a Gantt Chart that I almost religiously follow but now since ultimately I’m really my own boss in the house, I do things depending on how I feel that day and the other things I need to do that may vary.  As long as on a weekly basis I am able to accomplish what I set out to do, I am good.  And since hubby is better in cleaning than me, I really do solicit his help.  Lucky for me my hubby is just awesome and never has complained about doing home chores.  I am the luckiest wife ever!

So there you are, the story of two ladies.  Doing the best they could to make their house a home.  But trying not to stress too much cleaning and cooking gourmet meals to make that home perfect.  At the end of the day it is teamwork – and you and hubby are in the same team.  And that makes the home perfect.

Till the next Interview with the Housewives!